" Willing To Endure "

i'm afraid and excited of the uknown

i am hurt and happy of the unshown

im lost and found with her

my feelings bring sadness and joy im so unsure

my life is a joke and my feelings are the pun

i always thought love or affection was fun

so i played with it like a game never cared what was lost as long as i gained

but now its new and different

my emotions are eminent

karma is reigning surpreme on me

its punishement and i deserve it

but who would have thought it would be this torturing

who would have thought a man without a heart could be hurting

so now i can only accept my fate

regretting everything leading up to today

I regret what i did not what happened

meeting her was like being in heaven

stunned by imperfection and hurt by my flaws

life was a game of drawing straws

i came up short but decided to turn love into a sport

my past haunts my waking moments

and with her my pain is infinite

the smile the laugh the stare

it strips me bear of my pride i feel so much inside

its cold and hot its painful and overwhelming

inside me this emotion and feeling is swelling

wanting to burst out and shake the ground clear the skies

but when i look in the mirror i see my eyes

i have lost my self and began to lose it all

my life stopped going fast and became a slow crawl

i feel like im going backwards while you move forward

i see the guy your with and i understand

he's a far better man

i can only bring brief smiles but everlasting tears

im trying to change it up with my life switch gears

do whatever it takes to see you again

ill keep up with the pace ill stay until the end

if your my girl or not as long as im next you its worth it all

i dont plan to stand because your worth the fall

" The Change "

I come back from the valley of the shadow of death

I went away for solitary confinement by request

I need to see the reality in which it lead to me

Now my eyes are open to know im not a ghost i'm even liminality

i'm justin so it's time i let down my guard drop my walls

stop putting people down just for laughs and lawls

why be this when i can be something better and more

what would i say as i stand before gods door

so now i will make a change turn a new leaf

please don't be suprised or marveled at this feat

its just me without armor without wall to guard

i know this will be tough i know this will be hard

but i am willing to see it through

i am willing to do it all for you

and when i say you I mean everyone in my life

I kept you all far away and held you at the tip of a knife

I used my words to push you away I used my actions to keep it that way

I bow my head to the past and raise it to the future

Please belive i'm not here to decieveif you doubt me then fine ill prove you wrong

you'll only boost me up and make me strong

Now the lord walks with me and guides mehe is my shepard and i am his sheep

i wont be lead astray from my goal

i will be returned and given a pure soul

I can see the path behind is cracked and broken

I plan to pave a new way in which will not be shaken

it will not falter to time or any test you bring

i will stand tall as the road i pave is everlasting

this won't be easy and it won't come without a price

but i am ready to pay im ready to do whatever it takes

i do this for not just me but my family and friends sake

i care about them more than im willing to show

but i don't want it to go to waste i want it to grow

belive in me because i believe in youi dont need sympathy i just need to do

and what i need to do is change my inside

because my outside is just going along for the rideth

is ride is coming to an endthe laws of life i will never try to bend

but my life i will morph and shifti will stop makeing tears and my mischief

claiming im better off alone only cause im afraid

but im just worried of hurting you but i wont lead astray

my selfish thoughts have brought upon my demisemy thoughtlessness has been the creator of my disguise

i cling to not wanting to care but the meotions i have within are more than i can bear

with the lords blessing i am wiped free

time to start new and break away from my insanity

as i rise from the ashes of the fallen

i start off in the opposite direction

no longer am i left to a limited selection

but to a variety of choice

lead by a voice which will protect me from being tempted by evil

i will stop being a social criminal

stop looking at life like its liminal

the fantasy in life i saw what my own personality

time to release and become real broke open the seal